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worst year ever, DISAPPOINTMENT

First of all, happy New Year 2082 B.S.!

To whoever’s reading this—I hope you have an amazing year ahead. And honestly, I really hope this year turns out well for me too.

Secondly, I had planned to write something like this at the end of 2024, but back then, it was quite a depressing time. So I decided I’d write at the end of the Nepali year instead, as by that time, my college decisions would be out, and I was hopeful that something good might happen.

Well... things still aren’t great.

Looking back at 2081 from the beginning, the year started with a heartbreak, which was really, really upsetting. Perhaps the most upset I have ever been. Above that, it was also very stressful. My team selection test for IMO and plus two boards was just at that time. It was intense. Thankfully I did well in my TST and made it to the team but did poorly on boards. 

Getting on the IMO team was the biggest achievement for me yet in my life, until when IMO actually happened. I couldn't have performed worse. So there I was, trying to recover from a heartbreak, putting everything into math, and still ending up disappointed. That said, aside from the contest, the trip to the UK was really fun, not gonna lie. 

But when I returned to Nepal, more disappointment was waiting. The board exam results were out. And even though I knew deep down I hadn’t worked hard enough to expect great grades, it still hurt. I had let my parents down too. 

Then came the SAT. And again—I underperformed. This time it hit harder because I had actually put in the work. My practice scores were pretty good. I still don’t know what went wrong on test day.

I have had so much disappointment that I had really lost all energy to be hopeful about anything. I went on procrastinating on my college essays. Even though I felt okay with how they turned out, I didn’t get into the colleges I wanted to go to. And once again, I had become a disappointment.

This year was lonely too. I didn’t go out much. Barely socialized. Most of the days were just me, in my room, depressed and unmotivated.

Still, in between the dark days, there were moments of light, though very few. Most of the good days were just going out for live sketching or hanging out and night outs with my best friends. 

Well, this is just how life is, I guess. Not every year’s going to be kind. Hopefully 2081 was the lowest point I’ll ever face. It’s been rough, but I’ve come out stronger, more ready to fight the hard days ahead. So even if the coming years throw more storms my way, I might battle well. 

Here’s to 2082.
May 2082 be a good year for me and for everyone.

Rahu Mahadasha (2011 - 2029)

I’m not at all into astrology, and I’ve never been to an astrologer to get predictions about my life. But recently, I found myself taking notes on what an astrologer said about me and my life based on my Kundli.

Did I go to the astrologer myself? No—I hadn’t even thought about meeting one for a long time. Krish and I had been thinking of going to an astrologer just for fun, but I hadn’t really had it in mind for months. So, what happened was: one of my relatives, whom I didn’t know before (but my mother did), found out that I do commission portraits. She sent some pictures to my mother, and I made the drawings. She had also shown interest in meeting me, so my mother and I went to her house.

Apparently, a relative of hers who was staying there happened to be an astrologer—and my mother already knew about him. So she introduced me to him. He seemed like a well-educated guy—he had done his master’s and was living in Australia. He was in Nepal for medical treatment. He brought out his iPad and asked for my date, time, and place of birth. He was using an app to read my Kundli.

Now comes the main part: the predictions.

The first and most significant thing he said was that I’ve been under a ‘Rahu mahadasha’ since 2011, and it’ll last until 2029—which, astrologically speaking, is obviously a bad thing. He said this has been blocking success in my life. Well, now I have something to blame if things don’t go well, haha. He also added that this Rahu Mahadasha has made it hard for me to make decisions—which, if I think about it, is kind of true. But then again, the situations where I’ve found decision-making difficult are probably situations where anyone would struggle.

He did some character analysis too, saying I’m someone who questions things before believing them. According to him (or my Kundli), I’m intelligent as well. But these things sound pretty general, right?

He also mentioned that there's very little chance I’ll go abroad before 2029, and if I do, things won’t go as planned. When I do eventually go, I apparently won’t return. He said I’ll marry someone I fall in love with abroad, and only after the age of 28.

He also said I wouldn’t have a very good relationship with my brother—which, honestly, has been true so far.

Apart from that, he suggested a few things: never make decisions entirely on my own, don’t wear dark-colored clothes, don’t eat non-veg on Saturdays, and wear an “8-mukhe rudrakshya.” He also mentioned I might have a career in creative fields.

Also, Shani graha is currently active for me, but that’ll end in November 2025.

Throughout all this, I didn’t really have any reaction—I was just taking notes to analyze later if anything was interesting. But honestly, I don’t find any of it that interesting, nor do I think I should care. I’ll just wear that “8-mukhe rudrakshya” for my mother’s peace of mind. Other than that, I’m just going to do what I want and write my own future, I guess.

starting daily blogs

So, today was a pretty decent day. I woke up at around 8:00 and spent a few hours drawing. I am learning to use charcoal. Australia vs. Sri Lanka's second Test started today, so I spent some time watching the match as well. In the evening, I started preparing for the class I was teaching from 21:00 to 22:00. I was supposed to teach congruence modulo, and the class went quite well.

Sadly, I haven't solved any problems today for my Olympiad practice. But we'll be more productive tomorrow!

Goals for tomorrow:

- Wake up before 6.

- Solve at least one ISL problem from each topic.

- Make problems for PMO.

Goodnight!!

life update

Hi,

Where am I?

Far behind where I should be.

Life hasn’t been great lately. I’ve been feeling sad most of the time, which has made me very unproductive. My Olympiad practice hasn’t been going well either. So, I’m writing this blog to put an end to this unproductive and sad phase. Starting tomorrow, I will write daily blogs to remind myself to stay positive and productive—I’ll simply write everything I did during the day.

A Recent Good Thing:

I have a crush on this girl, "A," and I finally met her in real life recently. We walked and sketched together. YAYYY!!! Walking and sketching are two of my favorite activities, and getting to do that with A, lessgoooooo!!! I really enjoyed the day, and I think A did too. The very next day, we met again to play cricket. A is even sweeter than I thought she was.

A Recent Bad Thing:

I woke up early today to check my decision for Tufts University. I had applied for ED2, but sadly, I got rejected.

happy new year

 Hi, 

i was supposed to start a blog series (you'll know in few days) from today, but aaaa, been busy, and there are other things that i need to get done with. fuck this application process, i kinda enjoy it, and as the same time kinda hate as well,

well i will get started with the thing as soon as im done with my applications.

until next time, take care ;)

completing a drawing

It’s just a personal feeling.

You draw for so long, sitting at the desk, being patient, trusting, enjoying, and letting the process take as much time as it needs. And at the end, when it’s completed, all you can do is look at it. Knowing that you won’t be able to be in the process anymore is just sad and sometimes painful. I just fall in love with the process, and the longer the drawing takes, the deeper the connection gets.

What hurts the most is when you have to give the drawing to someone else. 

But this is also what makes me stronger and reflects how life is.